Living with Tony Stark
by Rikki Writinglover
Summary: Tony Stark took "Mad genius" To a whole new level, and crazy just doesn't cover it. Especially when he drags the team into it too. Drabbles, all related.
1. You have Been Warned

Tony sat down on the couch across from the rest of the Avengers. "Guys, we need to talk." Everyone looked worried a moment and Tony was about to start speaking when Pepper walked in, and noticed the rare serious expression on Tony's face and the worried looks on everyone else's. "Giving them the talk Tony?" She said before plopping down on the couch next to him grabbing a magazine off the table and beginning to look through it. He nodded and turned to the team who were now as confused as they were worried.

"You are all going to be living here, so I need to tell you all right now, weird things happen when you live with me. I mean, jaw dropping, insane, some of it illegal things. Ask Pepper."

Everyone turned their eyes to Pepper who nodded but didn't take her eyes off the page about Tony. "You forgot blindingly stupid and dangerous." Tony nodded solemnly. "Yes, blindly stupid and dangerous too. Always forget that one." Pepper patted him on the arm and smirked. "You don't forget when you're doing something blindly stupid and dangerous." Tony smiled at her. "Point for you." Pepper smirked at her victory then turned back to the magazine.

Clint shook his head. "Chill guys he's screwing with us." Tony just stared at Clint. "This is the one and only warning you ever get, I'm dead serious like one every 6 to 7 years. You have been warned. If I do anything dangerous, stupid, insane, illegal,-"Pepper held her hand up. "You forgot outlandishly ridiculous. God Tony can't even remember the only speech you ever give willingly." Tony just shrugged and continued. "Or continued exposer to me makes you do any something that fits under any of those qualities, I will take any complaints and irritations except the words, "You could have warned me." I swear to god if you say those words the end result will not be pretty."

Tony looked menacing for about have a second before smiling wildly and standing up. "Okay cool that's done, now have fun kids, looking forward to some fun times." He kissed Pepper on the head and practically skipped out of the room. All five of the rest of the team swung their heads to look at Pepper and she just raised an eyebrow. "You have been warned. You are about to be living with Tony Stark."


	2. That's a Light Saber

Bruce really didn't have any words. Like at all. He just continued to stare while a very drunk Tony continued to fight the wall with a light saber. "Toooooonnnyyy!" Pepper growled from behind him and Tony looked up from his battle with the losing wall and bowed. "Master Yoda, Mistress Pepper, I am in the middle of battle!" Tony stabbed the red Light Saber through the wall and Bruce just continued to stare. Pepper sighed and patted him on the back. "He made a Light Saber." Bruce said uncomprehendingly. Pepper nodded. "He does that. Last time it was broomstick from Harry Potter. We got off lucky. Tony stop stabbing him he's dead." Tony ignored her and Clint happened to walk in with Natasha at that moment. They both just froze and Pepper heard Steve and Thor close behind them.

Everyone just stared a moment frozen, before Thor broke the silence. "Why is friend Tony stabbing the wall?" Pepper opened her mouth but Tony interrupted her.

"I am Luke Skywalker! I am fighting an important battle for the safety of the universe!" Thor smiled and raised his hammer running to Tony's side. "I shall fight with you!" Tony bowed to him and they continued to smash the wall together. Pepper sighed and picked up her phone. "Albert? Yeah,again. No living room this time. Light saber. No brooms, hammers though. Decaf or not this time? Whole walls gonna be down. Non Decaf? Sure. Yeah see you in two hours."

Pepper hung up the phone to see Natasha and Bruce staring at her now, but Clint and Steve were still staring at Tony and Thor. "He actually MADE a REAL Star Wars Light Saber." Pepper nodded and Clint's jaw dropped further. "I SO WANT ONE TONY!" Tony stopped fighting the wall for a moment and walked to Clint looking at him before staring at Bruce and Pepper. "The force in strong in this one masters, I'm taking him!" Tony then promptly grabbed Clint's wrist and pulled him behind him as he went off towards the lab. "Come friend with hammer! To the armory!"Thor followed Tony and Clint down the hallway smiling like an idiot

Steve looked at her with confused eyes and cocked his head to the side. "What is Star Wars?" Pepper sighed pinching the bridge of her nose and counting to 10."Steve just don't believe him when he tells you he's your father."


	3. May the Force be with You

"What-What the hell?!" Natasha said walking into Clint's room to find him very drunk, and Battling Tony Stark with a Light Saber. "CLINT!" Clint stopped fighting Tony for a moment and he scrunched his eyes confused. "Natasha?" Natasha growled. "What- Are-You-Doing!?" Clint started to answer then stopped and dodged a swipe of Tony's Light Saber and rolled under his feet. "Join the dark side!" Tony yelled and Clint ran to the wall and kicked off of it pushing himself away from the wall and knocking Tony to the ground. "Never!" Clint yelled and Natasha glared at the men.

"Where's Thor?!" She said suddenly worried noticing the absence of the god. Clint and Tony both stopped and stared at her. "Thor. God of Thunder?" She elaborated and continued to receive blank stares."Ya know, hammer, gold hair?" Understanding lit in the drunken men's faces."Ohhhhh….." Tony said slurred slightly. "He…." Tony frowned at nothing for a moment as if he lost his train of thought, but Clint picked it up. "Gold man with hammer fell out of the window."

Natasha's eyes went wide and she controlled her breathing, trying not to think about the fact that Thor had fallen out of a window, yet there was no broken window. "Clint." She hissed going to stand by him and knocking the Light Saber out of his hand. "You are acting stupid. How did Thor fall out of a window if the only one here is still in one piece? "Clint smiled at her and laughed. "He used the window in his room." He said pointing accusingly to Tony who had totally lost interest and was now carving his name into the wall with his saber.

Natasha walked over to him and held out her Light Saber-free hand. "Give." Tony stared at her a moment then smiled handing her the Saber."BirdDude, let's go find hammer guy who fell out of a window! Natasha took a few deep breaths before pulling out her phone and dialing Pepper.

"Natasha?"

"Hey um Pepper, we did NOT get all the Light Sabers. Also I think Thor smuggled in Asguardin alcohol..."

"UGGGGGGGGGG, that's what they've been doing all day. I was hoping the idiots would quit after destroying the wall. Now I gotta call Albert again. Where?"

"Clint's room."

"Damage?"

"Sword fight and missing god, two idiots who want to fall out of a window."

"Can't we let them fall out the window?"

"Then we'll be out boyfriends and jobs."

"True. Be there in a minute."

"Alright hurry before I DO kill them."

"May the force be with you."

"I hate you sometimes Pepper."

Natasha glared at the two men who were now taking turns jumping off the bed Natasha was standing by. "Knock it off you idiots." She scowled, but of course they completely ignored her." Bird Dud—" Tony began but was cut short by his eyes rolling back into his head and falling in the ground, passing out finally." Clint just stared at Tony's form and looked at Natasha confused. "Is he dead?" Natasha smirked. "Not yet."

**I swear they won't all be Star Wars I just had to do this one, love yall!**


	4. I'm a Bird

Pepper was sitting on the couch totally relaxed when her phone started buzzing.

"Hello, Pepper Potts speaking."

"Peps? You know I love you right?"

"Tony what did you do?"

"I broke something."

"What did you break Tony?"

"Turn on the T.V. Thor and I will be hiding in a hotel somewhere until it is safe to return."

"Tony STARK Don't you dare run off and-"

Tony hung up and Pepper growled reaching for the T.V. remote, and gaped at what she saw.

"_It was discovered early this morning_ _that The Torch on the Statue of Liberty has been replaced with a giant replica hammer; Authorities say all security cameras and evidence has been swept from the crime scene. "Whoever did this is defiantly some top of the line criminals" says Jerry Wilmore, head of the NYPD. Authorities did however find a crushed door leading to the security floor, and experts say it looks to have been done with a very large hammer. Security cameras all over the island have been accessed, but all security monitors have been hacked and now will only play Born This Way by Lady Gaga. More updates on this horrible crime to come soon, stay tuned America."_

"So that's where the illegal part of the warning comes in eh?" Pepper spun to find Clint and Natasha watching the T.V. with amused grins on their faces. Pepper narrowed her eyes and Clint backed up seeing the death glare on her face. "God Pepper I'm surprised there's no steam coming from your ears." He joked and instantly regretted it when she stood up. "Sorry!Oh look Tony's calling me!" Pepper grinned an evil smile, successfully distracted and Clint sighed in relief. "Answer it." Pepper said quietly and Clint pressed the button turning it on speaker.

"Stark?"

"Birdbrain? Are you still at the tower?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Shit man, get out of there! Fury's on his way!"

"Why Tony I didn't do anything!?"

"Do you not remember last night?

"Um no Tony I slept last night."

"No, you didn't. Thor and I are hiding at Monona's Place Hotel. Get here, NOW. Before you get caught."

"Get caught for what?"

"We didn't break into the Statue of Liberty on our own genius. Also Fury-"

"STARRRRRKKKKK! BARRRRRTTTTOOONNN! THOOORRR!"

Clint froze at Fury's angry voice coming from the elevator and Tony squeaked over the phone.

"Alright switching hotels, you're on your own man."

"Tony! What did-" The line went dead and Clint dropped the phone making a break for it. "I will find him, and I will kill him!" Clint yelled climbing in the air vents and Pepper growled and called after him. "Get in line!"

Suddenly Fury burst into the living room in a pink eye patch and trench coat, with no eyebrows. Natasha and Pepper's jaws dropped and Pepper giggled in spite of herself. Natasha remained composed staring at the fuming man in front of her. "Fury? You're pink."

He sent her a death glare that had no affect and took a deep breath. "Where ARE THEY?!" He growled and Pepper pointed at the air vent. "Barton just ran for cover, Tony and Thor went into hiding last night. Fury marched over to the air vent and yelled into it. "BARTON!GET YOU'RE ASS OUT HERE AND TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!"

There was silence for a moment before a muffled reply came back." I'm safer being a bird, sorry Fury."


	5. What?

Clint was not even sure what he was watching. They'd only been here a week, yet he'd seen Tony and Thor defeat a wall with a Light Saber, gotten drunk with Tony and had a Star Wars battle, apparently defaced a national monument and pranked Fury, but this took the cake.

Tony Stark was doing his own paperwork. Without being asked. "Tony, what are you doing?" Tony looked up a little shocked at the sudden voice, tapping his pencil on his desk as he read through the contract in front of him. "Paperwork Feathers, deadline is next week, gotta negotiate this deal so I can set up a business meeting within the month."

Clint just continued to stare at Tony dumbfounded. "Tony, you never do paperwork willingly. You said so, so did Pepper." Tony gave him a funny look and shrugged. "I don't know Feathers. Keep it down okay? Gotta be extra careful here." Then he looked back down and continued working. It was quiet for a moment when Clint decided he was too freaked and joint called Natasha and Pepper.

"Emergency guys." He said loudly but Tony was too zoned out to notice.

"What's wrong?" Both girls said together exasperated.

"Tony is broken. Lab. Now." Then he hung up and watched Tony amazed as he took a business call. Politely.

"Tony Stark of Stark Industry's speaking. Yes Sir, I think that is an excellent idea. My CEO Pepper Potts can meet you there tomorrow and I'll set us up a private meeting next week. Goodbye and have a nice day, see you next week Mr. Rosen."

That is when Pepper and Natasha strolled into the lab confused to see Tony working at his usually ignored desk. "What's going on?" Pepper asked confused and Clint shook his head running to the girls in fear. "I don't know. He's been like this for hours. He's done paperwork you haven't even asked him to yet Pepper!He's two weeks ahead of schedule. He set up a meeting, and was so focused he didn't even notice me until just now. Then he told me TO BE QUIET AND LET HIM WORK!"

Natasha put a hand on Clint's shoulder. "Clint breath, I'm sure Pepper got him to do it somehow right Pepper? Pepper?" Pepper was ignoring Natasha and had wondered to Tony's desk and was just staring at him slack jawed. "Tony? " She said shocked and he looked up at her. "Oh Pepper, good you're here. I set up a meeting with you and Mr. Rosen tomorrow at Sonata's, on his request of the restaurant. The contracts are done all he needs to do is sign them. I have a meeting with him next week to work out final details. Love you, gotta get back to work."

Then he promptly looked down and started scribbling furiously on a long piece of paperwork and Pepper gasped then swooned. Natasha ran to catch her and steadied her. "Whoa there Pepper. What is WRONG with him?!" Pepper's eyes got big and she was breathing quickly. Natasha bit her lip and pulled out her phone dialing Bruce.

"Bruce?"

"Yeah Natasha, what's wrong?"

"I think Pepper's going into shock."

"WHAT?! What happened?!"

"You'll see just get down to the lab A.S.A.P"

"Alright coming."

Natasha hung up and the three continued to watch Tony in shock, mouths agape. Finally, Bruce ran in followed by Steve and Thor, all panicked. Steve started talking quickly. "Bruce said Pepper was in shock, we came to help- Is Tony doing paperwork?" Steve and Thor stopped dead next to Natasha but Bruce who wasn't paying attention ran to Pepper. "What happened" Bruce said as Pepper's breathing finally started to calm down.

Everyone just pointed to Tony and Bruce froze looking at him too. "What?" He said taken aback and Clint shook his head. "No one knows. He's been here for hours, ahead of schedule, without being asked, and he's being focused, polite and productive." Bruce just let his jaw drop. "Are you sure that's really Tony?" That seemed to shake Pepper out of it a little. "Tony?" Tony didn't look up but mumbled, "Mmmmhhh?" then nodded in acknowledgement. "When's my birthday?" Tony closed his eyes for a moment then shrugged. "April 6th?" Pepper nodded thoughtfully and then sighed. "When's Christmas?" Tony focused for another moment before replying. "Sometime in December?" Pepper rolled her eyes and then continued. "What's your social security number? Tony looked panicked for a moment. "It has a five in it."

Pepper just shook her head in amazement. "That's Tony. All wrong answers." She expected Tony to come to his own defense but he was already back to work and Pepper just stared. The group just sat there watching for about an hour before Tony finally fell asleep at his desk.

The next morning Tony was acting totally normal and playing miniature golf on the roof. The group unanimously decided that they would never speak of that day ever again; it was much to disturbing to be relived.


	6. This is The End

"OH MY GOD! OH GOD NOOOOOO!" Everyone heard Clint scream as he ran into the Avenger's living room in a panic. The rest of the team looked up in shock as the composed archer screamed like a little girl. "PEPPER!OH MY GOD-" Pepper held her hand up for him to stop. "Clint, breath." Clint just shook his head frantically, expression one of pure terror. "Pepper-worst nightmare- Tony- holy shit he- three- and- FUCKIN APCOLYPSE!"

Then without another word the terrified archer scurried into the air vents hiding. Everyone just kind of stared for a moment before Pepper sighed looking at Natasha and Steve. "Shall we go see what happened?" Steve and Natasha nodded cautiously before Natasha sighed and bit her lip anxiously. "I've never seen him so absolutely terrified. Stark must have done something horrible this time." Pepper nodded. "Well troops lets go into battle." Steve smirked at that and they all stood heading towards the luxury kitchen Clint had just ran screaming from. "Tony?" Pepper said quietly creeping into the kitchen then froze in horror at what she saw. Tony was making coffee. But Tony was also across the room digging in the fridge. AND TONY WAS IN THE CABNETS SEARCHING FOR POPTARTS. "There's THREE!" Steve yelled getting sadly close to the girlish screak that Clint had just let loose. All three Tonys swerved around to look at him. "Heya Capsicle."

Steve just looked for a moment as three Tony's just smiled at him, then turned and walked out of the kitchen calling "CLINT! SAVE ME ROOM!" His calm failing to mask the epic panic in his voice.

Pepper took a few deep breaths and noticed Natasha's face had horror written all over it. "Tony?" Pepper said in a sweet tone that was totally opposite of how she was feeling. "Why are there three of you?" Tony making coffee ran up to her and kissed her on the cheek. "So I can do more than one thing. I'm real me, and I can play in the lab all day, Tony 2 who's getting Pop-Tarts can go to meetings and stuff, and Tony 3 can eat and do all that responsible- humanly stuff you always say I gotta do."

Pepper sighs pinching the bridge of her nose and counting to ten, before looking at Tony in exasperation. "Tony, just because you make more of yourself doesn't mean only Tony 3 has to eat. You HAVE to eat; it's the law of nature. Sleep too, like it or not. Natasha? Am I right?" Natasha's eyes fall to Pepper, and she gulps, nodding silently. Tony 1 pouts and lays his head on Pepper's shoulder.

"But Pep-" He begins but is interrupted by the strangled cry coming from the entryway to the kitchen and Pepper swerves to see Bruce staring panicked at the three Tony's gaping like a fish. "Tony- Three's oh god, one was enough to deal with…why god why?!" He says backing out of the room in fright and Pepper growls in irritation. "Natasha will you please go find the guys and keep them from hiding in the vents forever? We'll be back to one Tony soon enough." Natasha nods quickly shooting Pepper a thankful glance before turning and near-running out of the kitchen. Real Tony sighs and pouts again. "I'm taking some offense to these responses by the way. Do I HAVE to get rid of them Pepper?" She glares him down and Tony puts his hands up in defeat. "Fine. Come on my handsome friends, time to go or Pepper will get angry again." He slowly makes his way out of the kitchen followed by two more pouting Tony's. Pepper groans leaning on the wall and calls loudly. "No more cloning yourself Tony. EVER!" She hears a faint whine come from the hallway and decides it's time to find the aspirin.


	7. The Truth Will Set You Free(or not)

"Tony? Are you in there?" Natasha asked warily as she stepped into the kitchen. Ever since the whole cloning thing….oh god she still got goose bumps… Everyone checked to see if it was clear. "No! Go away I'm hiding!SHIT! THIS DAMN THING!" Tony yelled from the kitchen and Natasha immediately rushed into the kitchen suspicious, to see Tony hiding in the corner.

"Tony what are you doing?" Natasha sighed exasperated. Tony panicked and let out a shriek seeing her. "I'm hiding!" She narrowed her eyes cornering him when she saw him looking for an escape. "Why? What'd you do?" Tony's eyes grew wider. "I was making Fury a truth serum to use on prisoners instead of torture, and it back fired, so I'm hiding from anyone who could ask me things. Shit! Don't ask me stuff!"

Natasha smiled a purely evil grin. "Oh, this is like Christmas Stark. GUYS! EVERYONE KITCHEN NOW!"Tony's eyes grew wild and he shrunk back. "Oh god no Natasha! Please!" Natasha just smiled as the sound of approaching footsteps grew louder. Clint popped into the room first, bow at the ready. "What's going on?" Natasha smiled pointing to Tony as Clint realized seeing no threat. "Tony's truth serum backfired on him and now he had to tell the truth. Clint's eyes lit up in an evil glow and Tony groaned glaring at Natasha. "You suck." She just smiled rising an eyebrow. "Really? What do you really think of me?"

"I think you're a strong woman and an amazing fighter. I respect you highly and value your opinion and skills. I didn't trust you at first but now you're a friend and I still highly admire you. I also think for a smart woman, you underestimate yourself as a person. I'm jealous of your dignity and finesse, and find your really fun to be around." Tony's face went red and he buried his head in his hands.  
"Alright, two assassins, one of you can kill me now. Please." Clint laughed and Natasha smiled widely, running her hand through his hair in affection. "Aw Tony, how sweet" she said in an over the top sweet voice trying to hide the real burst of affection and happiness that suddenly showed at his words. "Why would I kill you?" His head pops up and Tony's eyes narrow at her. "You are cruel and vindictive Natasha." This time she laughs as Bruce, Steve, and Thor all barrel in the door. "What's wrong?" Clint opens his mouth to speak but Truth Serum Tony beats him to it. "Well I was working on a truth serum for Fury and it backfired, so I'm telling the truth, and Natasha and Clint, but mostly Natasha is taking advantage. CRAP! THIS SUCKS!" Tony wines loudly hiding his head again. Bruce and Steve smile brightly coming into the kitchen with a very confused Thor.

"So Tony…." Clint starts smirking evilly, but Tony jumps up quickly surprising everyone, even Natasha, enough for her to take a step back. Tony grins brightly and then pulls a vial out of his sleeve tossing the liquid onto all of the Avengers. "Tony! What the hell is this!?" Steve growled and Tony smiled edging towards the entrance. "Oh, well since I knew you all would find me and torture me, its truth serum so we can all be miserable together. Hey Tasha, who do you think is the hottest guy on the team besides Clint?"

Natasha opens her mouth to insult Tony and threaten his death, but her mouth has other plans. "I think you probably pull highest, Steve's got the muscles but I'm not into the All-American look, and you have a sexy bad boy vibe." Her eyes go wide and Tony smirks running from the room. "I WILL KILL YOU STARK!" She screams running after him and she promptly hears him reply. "No Natasha, can't kill me, I've got that sexy bad boy vibe!"

No one saw Tony for three days after that, and team minus Natasha were all silently praying she hadn't actually killed him, because Pepper got back tomorrow. They were still too scared to ask though.


	8. Cllliinnntt!

"Cllllliiinnnnnttttttttttt I'm bored."

"Don't care Tony."

"Bored."

"Still don't care."

"Bored."

"Say that again I will shoot you."

"You are supposed to do good not evil Katniss, do not let the Capitol make you a piece in their games."

" I'm doing the world a favor, trust me. I'm saving them from your bad movie references."

"Evil, done in the name of good, is still evil."

"The scary thing is that is actually a deep thought."

"Who said I wasn't deep?"

"Me, you're about as deep as a puddle Iron Ass.

"What's the volume of the puddle?"

"I don't know."

"Then you don't know the puddle isn't deep."

"Yes I do."

"How?"

"Because I know everything alright? Shut up Tony."

"Nuh UH! WHATS MY MIDDLE NAME!?"

"Edward."

"HOLY SHIT YOU DO KNOW EVERYTHING!"

"Tony you're a superhero and a celebrity. Everyone knows your middle name."

"Oh."

"Yeah you dumbass."

"Clint."

"….."

"CLINT!"

"WHAT!?

"Everything's a little fuzzy."

"So stop drinking you idiot."

"Then I'd be boring like you.

"I am not boring, I'm smart."

"I'm a genius, certifiably, and I am drinking. Therefore not drinking doesn't make you smart. You're just boring."

"Tony, go bug Bruce."

"NOO! He'll smash me! Or WORSE! Give me the Bruce death glare!"

"I'm aware, that's why I want you to go to him."

"That hurts Feathers."

"I try."

"Wanna Drink?"

"No."

"Okay. I'm having all the fun then, and you're just scared of happiness."

"No Tony you're drunk. I don't wanna be too."

"WHHYYYY?!"

"Because bad things happen when we get drunk."

"Like what?"

"Like defacing a national monument and being chased around the Tower by Fury."

"So in other words, you ARE NOT getting drunk?"

"Yes."

"Yes you're getting drunk?"

"No, yes I'm not."

"You're not what?"

"….."

"Clint."

"…"

"CLINT"

"…."

"CLINT!"

"WHAT!?"

"Hi."

"Give me the fucking drink."


	9. Tony,The Bastard

Clint was not ashamed…..or so he kept telling himself. Yet, here he was, hiding in the kitchen at 4 in the morning because Natasha was mad at him. It was ALL Tony's fault.

When Tony got Clint drunk the other night, he may or may not have decided he'd teach Tony how to shoot and let him accidently shoot two inches of Natasha's hair off when she came to come find him. Pepper was furious because apparently sometime when they couldn't remember, they had both plastered posters of Tony and Pepper on a picture of a pizza and put them up all over Times Square, earning the couple the name "Pepperony". So Natasha was furious, Pepper was silent and seething, and Tony, bastard that he was, ran off to a business trip leaving Clint to deal with it alone.

Natasha had him running everywhere doing every little chore he could think of, from holding her and Pepper's shopping bags while they shopped their hearts out, or going out to the store every time one of them wanted something ridiculous like nail polish or scented candles. Pepper just kept assigning him the crappist duties, dishes every night, cleaning the toilets in the ENTIRE DAMN TOWER and anything that popped into the CEO's mind.

Damn Tony, while Clint had to resort to hiding to get peace and quiet, Stark was getting off scott free. Actually right now he was hiding because both women had texted him saying to make them breakfast early- Clint had no idea how to cook, so he was hiding because he wasn't really in the mood to die because he served Natasha and Pepper burnt food. So while he dealt with this crap, Stark was across the world in hiding. Yes, probably bored out of his mind, true, but still better than this.

"Jarvis coffee, fast, gotta grab some before everyone wakes up and- oh shit." Tony sauntered into the kitchen, in sweats and an old T-shirt- Very OBVIOUSLY NOT ACROSS THE WORLD. Clint's eyes lit up in fury and he stood shakily. "Tony, there better be a very good reason you are not in China or I'm going to kill you." Tony just froze running his hand through his already mussed up hair. "Well, I really didn't have a meeting so that's a good one….." Clint took a threating step towards the billionaire who backed away cautiously. "Do you have any IDEA what I've been through ALONE the last TWO WEEKS, and you have been HIDING in your LAB!?"

Tony tried not to smile. "Yep, saw all the video tapes, but before you kill me I've got a deal for you now that you've caught me." Clint growled and Tony continued backing up and talking. "I'll totally call in a favor with Fury to say that you are on a two to three week mission and we can hide in my lab together. I'm in one I never use, so there's lots of videogames and stuff I added so I wouldn't get bored. I won't tell Natasha and you don't tell Pepper, win-win."

Clint grinned evilly. "Why would I do that when I can just make you even more miserable when Pepper finds out you lied?" Tony gulped then smirked back. "Because my friend, this week happens to be "That time of the month" and I don't think you want Natasha and Pepper refueled with fresh ideas."

Clint's eyes got wide and he grabbed his coffee quickly checking around to make sure Natasha wasn't hiding somewhere waiting to pounce. "Deal. Let's go, now." Tony nodded and grabbed another cup of coffee before sprinting down the hallway with Clint and dialing Fury. "Hey- Fury- Yeah it's early, I just need a little favor on Clint's behalf…"


	10. Clint! No Touching!

"Tony, what is that thing?" Pepper whines as Tony sits some medal contraption on the table and just sits there glaring at it. "I have no idea. I made it last night and I have no clue what it does." Pepper sits back on the couch and crosses her arms glaring at him. "Were you drunk?" Tony's head immediately dropped. "Only a little….." She sighs and smacks him over the head. "What did I tell you about inventing drunk?" Tony rubs the back of his head and looks at the floor with fake sorrow. "To not to…" Pepper crosses her arms and glares at him. "Are you going to do it again?" Tony just stares at her before sighing. "Probably…." That just earns him a smack on the back of the head again and just as he opens his mouth to protest, Clint walks in. "What's that?" He plops down onto the couch across from them smiling and stretching all the way out. Tony just shrugs. "No clue, built it last night, but I don't remember what it does." Clint just nods. "You were drunk." Tony picks up a pillow and throws it towards the archers face, but Clint easily deflects it and Tony sighs in exasperation. "Stupid spy skills."

Clint just smirks and reaches out to poke the machine when Pepper swat his hand away. "Don't touch Clint, it could be dangerous." Clint rolls his eyes and pulls his hand back. "Pepper, Tony was working with electrical wires, tools, and who knows what else while drunk, but you're worried about me poking it?"

Pepper squints her eyes in a dangerous warning glare and Clint raises his hands in surrender. "Hey, Hey, Chill, it's not my fault if your boyfriend electrocutes himself. I'm still poking it though." With that Clint with reaches out a touches it, somehow managing to press a hidden button that sends out a pulse of light.

Pepper glares murderously and Clint stares at the floor bashfully." I'm sorry Pepper you were right, I don't want to start a fight."

Pepper glares." I told you so Clint, now do you see what I meant?

Tony looks at the two suspiciously. "Did you two mean to rhyme? Because you kind of did that at the same time." Tony's eyes go wide and he covers his mouth with his hand. Pepper and Clint's eyes go wide also and Clint nervously try's to talk. "Is that an accident or was this stupid rhyming what you meant?" Pepper's glare turns ice. "You two are in SO much trouble, and when I tell Natasha it will be double." Pepper groans at the rhyming and Tony holds in a chuckle. "Why in god's name would I want this? It's just not sane."

Clint growls in irritation. "You know I might be a stupid sucker, but you're one crazy-"

"CLINT! TONY! YOU ARE SO DEAD!I'M SO PISSED I'M SEEING RED!"

Clint and Tony's eyes go wide at Natasha's angry voice ringing through the halls. "Shit Tony, the pulse spread, now we will surely be dead." Tony's eyes go quickly from the seething Pepper to the direction of Natasha's nearing voice and suddenly he jumps up grabbing Clint's arm and pulling him towards the door to the elevator at top speed.

"Come on Clint, we gotta run away if we wanna live to see another day."


	11. CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS!

Pepper just sighed when her phone rang at 2 A.M. With a grunt she rolled over and picked it up. "Hello?"

"Hey Peps…..you know how much I love you right?"

"Tony, what did you do THIS time?"

"…."

"TONY."

"I take offense to that. I need your help."

"With what?"

"Well…. I don't even really know where to start."

"Start with where you are."

"Well…. I don't really know see last night we…. CLINT! STOP FUCKING SHOOTING!"

"TONY! WHO IS CLINT SHOOTING!?"

"Um…well they look like natives….. Clint's kind of perched on some sorta idol thing and claiming it as his nest. CLINT!"

"He's shooting natives?"

"Uh, yes defiantly some sort of natives. "_ CAW CAW MOTHERFUCKERS!"_

_"…."_

_"_I'm so never letting him live down that fact he actually said that."

" ."

"Yeah right, I'm sorry baby."

"What happened?"

"Well… I'm not sure….. all I know is I'm sitting in a stolen tank, with Clint perched on some native's idol as he shoots them with paint arrows. Oh, and for some reason Bruce is passed out, but his skin is painted green, and he's wearing purple pants."

"You got Bruce drunk with you?"

"Well… not exactly…."

"TONY."

" Hey! Clint spiked his tea, it was only one of my drunken ideas."

"Do you realize how dead you are?"

"Uh, yeah. I wouldn't have even called you except I don't have a bow and those natives scare me."

"Do you even know what COUNTRY you are in?"

"Well… I'm guessing not in the United States…."

"….."

"Yeah not funny, sorry."

"Could you ask Bruce?"

"Well, I really don't want to wake him up, I'd like to see you one last time before someone murders me, and I'd rather it not be the Big Guy."

"Aw, how touching. You're sleeping on the couch for a month."

"A MONTH?! I'm not the one shooting innocent natives because they want their idol back!"

"Do I sound like I care?"

"No…."

"We're understood."

"Yes….."

"Now I'm bringing Natasha and coming to find you."

"Actually you know what I think I'll just walk outside with the natives and take my chances as a human sacrifice, less painful that way."

"Antony Edward Stark I'm coming over there to either bring you back alive or dead."

"Yeah well, OW! CLINT! DAMMIT DO I LOOK LIKE A FUCKIN NATIVE TO YOU!?"

"See you soon honey, and we're gonna have a long talk….."

"…Clint! Stop screwing around and use a real arrow!"

"Bye Tony."


	12. Texting in Meetings Not Good

Tony grumbled as Fury rambled on and on yelling at the team in this week's debriefing. He wasn't exactly sure why Fury was yelling, he'd tuned out a long time ago, but he assumed it had something to do with the Empire State Building being turned purple in a fight with Loki on Thursday. Taking a quick look around the room he had to keep himself from laughing at his other teammate's expressions.

Bruce was leaning on his hand pretending to listen intently when Tony could tell he was mentally in his lab running experiments. Natasha was sitting back, arms crossed, not even looking at Fury, and more intent on watching Clint, who was shooting paper balls at everyone under the table, not even pretending to pay attention. Steve was also pretending to listen intently, but he had that blank, zoned out look that he got when Tony had tried to explain the awesomeness of Big Bang Theory to him. Thor happened to be in Asguard, lucky bastard, so it was just them. Tony looked at Fury for another minute before smirking and pulling out his phone, grouping all the Avengers in a group chat, grinning victoriously when all Avengers sneakily pulled out their phones.

**Tony:** **Hey guys**

**Natasha: Stark we're in the same room.**

**Steve: Tony, we are supposed to be listening, can we not talk later?**

**Tony: Man stop with the grammar, your killin me,**

**Steve: You're.**

**Clint: You're, annoying me too Steve. Tony's a genius I'm pretty sure he's just messing that up to bug you.**

**Bruce: Tony, Clint, stop picking on Steve.**

**Steve: Thank you Bruce.**

**Tony: Science Bro! You're a traitor!**

**Natasha: Shut it Stark. Why did you start texting us anyway, we're all like a foot from you.**

**Tony: Yeah, I know that. I don't care. I don't wanna listen to Fury anymore, he's boring me.**

**Steve: Anything that lasts more than 10 minutes bores you Stark.**

**Tony: Well, ouch. I don't see any of the rest of you hanging on the edge of your seats either Spangles.**

**Clint: The man has a point.**

**Natasha: Sorry Steve, Clint's right. Clint's also gonna be dead if he doesn't stop throwing paper at me.**

**Clint: Fine I'll throw it at Steve.**

**Bruce: Guys behave. Tony, Clint, can you go five minutes without causing trouble?**

**Clint: We don't cause trouble!**

**Tony: We don't cause trouble!**

**Natasha: Oh really, I seem to remember coming to a third world country to hunt down a barley sober Tony and a drunk off his ass Clint last week, and finding Tony trapped in a stolen tank with Bruce and Clint shooting paint arrows at natives and occasionally Tony.**

**Tony:…**

**Clint: …**

**Natasha: That's right.**

**Steve: I didn't hear that story, I was gone last week, what happened?**

**Tony: NATAHSA NO WE DON'T REPEAT!**

**Clint: Natasha baby… pretty please don't retell that story. I forgot to kill Tony for it anyway.**

**Tony: See? You're reminding people of reasons to murder me. I thought we were friends.**

**Natasha: I threw you out of the window last week.**

**Tony: Yeah but you knew my suit would catch me.**

**Natasha: ….**

**Tony: DIDN'T YOU?!**

**Natasha: Of course.**

**Clint: No she didn't.**

**Steve: When did you throw Tony out a window?**

**Natasha: When he was drunk, thought I was Pepper and tried to kiss me.**

**Clint: It was really funny, Bruce has to run from the room.**

**Tony: Traitors, all of you. I only like Thor now.**

**Bruce: Hey in my defense I almost hulked out because the big guy didn't really like you falling out of the window.**

**Tony: That is because I am awesome, and he loves me. **

**Clint: Suuuurrree Iron Ass.**

**Natasha: I was totally in the right.**

**Tony: I'm actually glad you stopped me, though, I could have dealt without the heart attack you nearly gave me.**

**Steve: You go on one week long mission…..**

**Bruce: Sorry Steve. You should know by now that you're always going to miss something when you leave.**

**Natasha: I could throw him out the window again if you want.**

**Tony: HEY!**

**Clint: Ohhhhhhh fun J**

**Tony: Worst best friends ever. I disown you all.**

**DIRECTOR FURY: I love seeing this is what my agents are doing when they are supposed to be in an important debriefing.**

**Tony: ….HOLY SHIT HOW DID YOU GET IN HERE?!**


End file.
